Instead of playing the lottery or completing my 2018 Income Tax, yesterday I imagined I was Jeff Bezos
It was a typical day with nothing to do except harass the workers at Whole Foods, so I decided to buy a boat.
But not just any boat. A big boat – in fact, a ship. Large enough to carry all my “friends” and impress the other rich folks, including Zuckerberg and Gates and that goofy, Bloomberg guy .
My third-assistant personal manager (day side) had a suggestion – build a yacht that’s a duplicate of Queen Mary 2 (QM2). He explained the benefits:
- At 151,200 tons, the ship will handle the biggest storms.
- It will carry 2,620 passengers.
- The 1,253 crew will give great service
- The ship will go 30 knots an hour, so pirates – no problem..
- The cost was only $521 million to create it.
- Our China connection means we can surely build it cheaper.
Being brave Bezos, I decided to ahead, but I had to ask my accountant, where could we get the money? He was right on top of the problem:
Jeff, not to worry. We’ll only have to use the income that we earned one week last year. We’ll pay cash.
This was surprising. Was there a week last year when I made enough money to pay for QM2?
My accountant explained that the Bezos’ holdings made him personally enough income in 2018 to buy a new QM2 every week.
“Actually,” he said with a pensive stare, “you earned almost enough to buy two QM2s every week last year.”
Time for me to wake up and finish my income taxes.
Same earnings. Same expenses as last year. New law says I have to pay more, thanks to bipartisan collusion in Congress.
Now, back to Bezos. He is not alone in having obscene wealth.
If we add up the fortunes of the top ten richest persons in the world, the total is $808 billion.
Here’s the list:
1: $140,000,000,000.00…Jeffrey Preston Bezos
2: $97,000,000,000.00…..Charles & David Koch*
3: $93,500,000,000.00…..William Henry Gates III
4: $84,300,000,000.00…..Warren Edward Buffett
5: $83,200,000,000.00…..Amancio Ortega Gaona
6: $72,200,000,000.00…..Mark Elliot Zuckerberg
7: $69,700,000,000.00…..Carlos Slim Helu
8: $62,100,000,000.00…..Lawrence Joseph Ellison
9: $53,300,000,000.00…..Michael Rubens Bloomberg
10: $53,000,000,000.00…..Bernard Jean Étienne Arnault
*Two Koch brothers worth $48.5 billion each!
Did you ever wonder what would happen if these rich men decided to pool their $808 billion and make really big purchases – for example – entire nations, based on each country’s net worth?
Pick one or more, depending on where you stand in the top ten:
|South Africa||$786 Billion|
|U. A. E.||$684 Billion|
|Czech Rep.||$524 Billion|
|Costa Rica||$111 Billion|
|Sri Lanka||$82 Billion|
|El Salvador||$61 Billion|
|Ivory Coast||$34 Billion|
Finally, imagine you plan to please the wife on Valentine’s Day, even though you’re on the bottom of the top ten list:
Hon, have I got a surprise for you. We’re taking a trip on an ocean liner – the CEO Bezo 1. And, we’re going to the Bahamas.
“Why the Bahamas,” she asks. “We’ve been there a dozen times.”
“Because I’m going to greet my people. I just bought the entire country for $41 billion – a ten percent discount off of book value.”
I didn’t mention that Jeff just settled on the combined purchase of Bolivia and Paraguay for his latest mistress. Soon enough, my wife will read about it in the National Enquirer or People Magazine
It’s hard to keep up with the Bezos.